Normally, I'd never read Henry James. But times are strange…

Is it just me, or are there other people on this planet? That's really been bothering me lately…

So the peanut crop falls short by 13%, and peanut butter immediately jumps nearly 200% in price. Latest version of an old story, but still…

When did determining the beginning of human life come within the province of popular vote?

How come no one gets down on their lousy, stinkin' knees and begs me to become a freemason?

Anything described as "a done deal, just a few details to work out" is, in practical terms, doomed.

You can, for sound and sensible reasons, cancel Halloween events, but Halloween itself still happens…

Facebook today is saying my account's unavailable due to a site issue. Oh, the humanity!

I'm glad I don't live a PG-13 life. Keeping the f-bombs down to one every two hours would be very trying.

Today on Name That Suspicious White Powder, we have a standard business envelope, a priority mail envelope and a Gucci handbag…

First ever Apple purchase: a Mac IIci, upgraded to 5 (count 'em!) megabytes of RAM and a 250 megabyte hard disk. Sweet, sweet machine…

‎"My morals ain't shaky, they just hit turbulence a lot."
—Anonymous

Decision time: kelp, or freeze-dried halibut?

Entertain me, world, or it's off with your head!

Sue and I have taken up Frisbee boxing. We didn't intend to, it just kinda happened…

Thank you, thank you, it's good to be here. The emolument was most satisfactory…

AMEN Sandwich Cookies…for when someone says to give 'em one.

REM is calling it quits. The B-52s are on-again, off-again. C'mon, Athens, GA, what else you got?

My dream? To run the lip balm and hand lotion concession at a salt mine.

I'd love to reinvent myself, but I simply can't decide on a color scheme.

The latest pole dance craze…the TSA Grope-Search!

My new band: RACCOONS EAT JUNIOR'S LUNCH

If we replaced our current crop of prominent politicians with reality show contestants, would we notice the difference?

Never mind being carnivores, herbivores or omnivores…our big problem is being petrol-vores.

Qaddafi's new address: a secret (for now) compound in Pakistan.

Markets go up…markets go doooooown…